I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
