Only a mothe r could love this liver
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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