hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
