I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
