whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
