do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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