He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
