Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
