actually, I'm a sock model
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
