It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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