I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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