You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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