I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
