Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
