Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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