he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
