Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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