I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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