Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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