My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
