Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
