even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
