her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
