My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
