Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
