I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
