i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
