with your own penis?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
