It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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