So drunk its hurt
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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