She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
