I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
