ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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