is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
