i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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