So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
