cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
