omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
