Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
