Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
