I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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