I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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