from now on my penis is your penis
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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