On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
