i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
