What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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