Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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