Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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