Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My dick has a subreddit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
