I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
