I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
