You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
