He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
