Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
