I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
