I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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